1 December 2008

What if you tire before it's done? Does it have rules? Can more than one play? What makes you think it's a game? Is it a game? Will it break? Is there an object? What if you tire before it's done? Does it come with batteries? Is it safe for toddlers? How can you tell when you're finished? How do you make it stop? Is that a boy's model? Can a parent assemble it? Is there a larger model for the obese? What if you tire before it's done? What the hell is it?

Get Notorious. You know, for kids.

This newsletter hails from the heavens of St Jeromes. If you like what you see, sign up for future issues at getnotmag.com.

Advice booth

How do you confront people / housemates who move a vicious dog into your house without consulting you?

From,
Ronan

Dear Ronan, Your housemates have done a jerky thing. Remember: don't blame the pup no matter how bloody the knuckle-dusters on its paws are. It was probably neglected by its litter, teased at The Puppy Academy and gorged on dehydrated pork snacks until the pain of abandonment went away. Eventually it grew into a stocky, snarly, salivating beast and started dressing in spikes and leather. But don't be afraid, Ronan. Make this mutt your pal by getting on all fours and looking deep into its flesh-hungry eyes. Sniff its butt if you have to. This could be the beginning of something beautiful.

Do you have a crisis that involves love, bad luck or science? Just email howdy@getnotorious.com

Oh, puh-row!

This kitty is not lost. Nor is she for sale. But don't you wish she were yours to squish until little cartoon love hearts pop out? Welcome to the classifieds section of Get Notorious. If you have adorable kitties to give away, or need one for keepsies real bad, let us know. You might have other things to advertise, too: left shoes, a room to rent, proverbs, a solid gold hat, underwear, a singing frog, a newfound country.

Whatever your thing, we're happy to help you get rid of it. Just email howdy@getnotorious.com

Glittering Prize

The Holdy Steady, Girl Talk, Architecture In Helsinki, Stereolab, Cut Off Your Hands, Tame Impala and stage-loads more. If looking at the St Jerome's Laneway Festival line-up makes you tight in the pants then pay attention now. We have a double pass to the Melbourne Laneway Festival to give away.

Just email howdy@getnotorious.com and explain why you need these tickets so bad. Compliments, flirtations and harmless bribes are most welcome.

St Jerome's Laneway Festival Sunday February 1st
Look out for the Laneway Festival edition of Get Notorious in January!

HANNAH FOX

"One of my favourite outfits was a guy wearing a circus tent attached to his head, complete with a disco ball and smoke machine inside." Hannah Fox remembers the fetish club she managed in the UK and describes it like walking onto a film set. No sequinned outfit or show-stopping dance move was too over the top. "Another lady wore nothing but high heels, strings of pearls and finger-waved hair." When Hannah moved to Melbourne a year and a half ago, she realised there weren't any club nights where people carried themselves with so much hedonistic flair. So she partnered up with Thom Grogan and created a night where those in feathers, glitter and fur could drink, get sweaty and show off. The result: an old-time blues jukejoint called Sweet Jelly Roll.

Later this month expect talent from synchronised swimmers, The McNutts and Itsy Bitsy Rima. Pearl Jackson (Hannah's stage name) will be spinning vinyl with Mohair Slim, Dr. No and Razor Totin' Slim. →

Hannah Fox's Musical Favourites:

1. She Males - Artist Unknown
A favourite that was given to me by Jake Vegas (A DJ from Lady Luck Club) The chorus goes: "Short, fat, thin and tall. We love them all. Lets get some she-males and have a ball!"

2. Shake Your Hips - Slim Harpo
Slim Harpo is one of my favourite blues artists. His sound is raw and dark and it's impossible to not move to this song.

3. Shine On (Big Bright Moon, Shine On) - Ruth Brown
It's a song about drinking your blues away. The more heartbreaking a song is, the more I like it.

4. Have Love will Travel - Richard Berry & The Pharaohs
The original of the song best known for the cover by the Sonics. It's such a good dancefloor track that I play it pretty much everytime. I'm sure the crowd are sick of it, but I'm not.

5. Nobody in Town Can Bake a Sweet Jelly Roll Like Mine - Bessie Smith
I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.

The next Sweet Jelly Roll will take off on Saturday December 20th, 9pm-3am at the The Order Of Melbourne, 401 Swanston Street. Dress the fuck up.

The Happy Palace

The only thing more mysterious than what's happening inside the Rob Roy right now is what's happening right above it. Who knew that the beloved pub even had an upstairs? It's a collection of offices where doers, makers and thinkers are now setting up office. It's called The Happy Palace. And the name is really no exaggeration. The light-filled spaces encourage the kind of hair-brained schemes and creative pursuits where incredible things begin. It even has that internet thing you've heard so much about.

NOTE TO SELF

Belly-pinching hipsters with single-inch zips; bellbottoms perpetually making a comeback; high-waisted denim tights destined to cripple baby-making organs. The tailor behind Note to Self, Max Olijnyk, doesn't look out for what denim authorities are squeezing into. When clients call upon Max, he measures them up and asks how they like their jeans. And this is how he becomes his own authority on what the people want. "A girl might walk in and say 'man, I hate those high waisted jeans' and I'll be like, 'uh, yeah... those, er, high waisted jeans...' but then the next day someone might request high-waisted jeans!"

Quality is Max's top priority in his Carlton Hotel studio. He chooses heavy Japanese denim and stitches every thread himself. He gives props to other labels, too: France's ACP and Sydney's Rittenhouse. Like those labels, Max's jeans are well fitting, durable and characterised by minimal styling. "Denim is about the tightness of the weave and the quality of the cotton." Despite having little care for what's in Vogue, he's travelled abroad and has been surprised by what he's seen. He was fascinated that everyday Dubliners wore phat pants - and not in an ironic way.

For your own pair of Note to Self jeans head to notetoself.com.au and make an appointment. For pre-made jeans visit Order & Progress, Level 3, 252 Swanston Street.